Thursday, April 28, 2011

The Royal Wedding

Buckingham Palace has released the official schedule for the viewing of the Royal Wedding at Lang Palace on Shaker Square.

5:30 a.m. (9:30 GMT)
The Lord Chamberlain, together with the cat of the household (Schatzi), rise and proceed to the kitchen.

A high-protein, low-carbohydrate breakfast is prepared for the diabetic cat. The breakfast is served.

5:50 a.m. (9:50 GMT)

Coffee is prepared.

The television apparatus is activated.

6:00 A.M. (10:00 GMT)

Coffee is removed to the sofa.

The cat completes the ingestion of breakfast.

6:05 a.m. (10:05 GMT)

The Lord Chamberlain rises from the sofa and prepares the injection of insulin for the diabetic cat.

The following prayer of Humble Access to the Cat is said:

"O Lord, inasmuch as Thou hast decreed that in many and sundry places, there should be by Thy design insinewed and insensate areas upon the nape of the neck of the cat, so that therethrough salutary injections may be administered without incurring the wrath of the cat, or without grievous injury upon said cat, so that the injected substance may be inwardly absorbed, ingested and metabolised by said cat, we praise Thee that Thou hast wonderfully and fearfully made this furry mammal, and we beseech Thee that, delivered from his affliction, he shall continue all his days in Thy goodness and favor. Amen."

6:07 a.m. (10:07 GMT)

The injection is administered, followed by a treat.

6:10 a.m. (10:10 GMT)

The Lord returns to the sofa and resumes the watching of the Royal Wedding, whilst the cat continues his morning ablutions.

6:20 a.m. (10:20 GMT)

The procession of HRH Prince William begins. The cat assumes his rightful position on the lap of the Lord Chamberlain of Shaker Square. At the fanfare, the cat responds with a purr.

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