Thursday, April 28, 2011

The Royal Wedding

Buckingham Palace has released the official schedule for the viewing of the Royal Wedding at Lang Palace on Shaker Square.

5:30 a.m. (9:30 GMT)
The Lord Chamberlain, together with the cat of the household (Schatzi), rise and proceed to the kitchen.

A high-protein, low-carbohydrate breakfast is prepared for the diabetic cat. The breakfast is served.

5:50 a.m. (9:50 GMT)

Coffee is prepared.

The television apparatus is activated.

6:00 A.M. (10:00 GMT)

Coffee is removed to the sofa.

The cat completes the ingestion of breakfast.

6:05 a.m. (10:05 GMT)

The Lord Chamberlain rises from the sofa and prepares the injection of insulin for the diabetic cat.

The following prayer of Humble Access to the Cat is said:

"O Lord, inasmuch as Thou hast decreed that in many and sundry places, there should be by Thy design insinewed and insensate areas upon the nape of the neck of the cat, so that therethrough salutary injections may be administered without incurring the wrath of the cat, or without grievous injury upon said cat, so that the injected substance may be inwardly absorbed, ingested and metabolised by said cat, we praise Thee that Thou hast wonderfully and fearfully made this furry mammal, and we beseech Thee that, delivered from his affliction, he shall continue all his days in Thy goodness and favor. Amen."

6:07 a.m. (10:07 GMT)

The injection is administered, followed by a treat.

6:10 a.m. (10:10 GMT)

The Lord returns to the sofa and resumes the watching of the Royal Wedding, whilst the cat continues his morning ablutions.

6:20 a.m. (10:20 GMT)

The procession of HRH Prince William begins. The cat assumes his rightful position on the lap of the Lord Chamberlain of Shaker Square. At the fanfare, the cat responds with a purr.


At 8:46 AM, Blogger Andy Lang said...

BTW, none of the airhead commentators (on the U.S. networks, anyway) noticed that one of the two hymns chosen by William and Kate sas William Blake's militant poem of protest against economic exploitation and industrial pollution--"Jerusalem"--sung as the final hymn directly before the Dean of Westminster Abbey's blessing. The text is here:

One of the British commentators on NBC did refer to the hymn's final words--"England's green and pleasant land"--and gushed that the hymn was "typically English and patriotic." In fact, the reference is ironic: "England's green and pleasant land" has been ruined by greed, thus the references in the first verse to "clouded hills" and "dark satanic mills."

Overcoming this evil present, Blake writes, requires militant struggle: "I will not cease from mental fight, / nor shall my sword sleep in my hand, / till we have built Jerusalem / in England's green and pleasant land." "Jerusalem" is an eschatological hope, a restoration of the right order of creation.

The Royal Family know exactly what this text means, and the choice of this hymn (which was also sung at the wedding of Charles and Diana 30 years ago) was not an accident.

Another point missed by the airheads: apart from the place of honor given to Elton John and his husband, the progressive Bishop of London (Richard Chartres) made sure his sermon on the blessings of marriage was inclusive by placing marriage within the context of "all faithful and committed relationships."

This was the full text: "The spiritual life grows as love finds its centre beyond ourselves. Faithful and committed relationships offer a door into the mystery of spiritual life in which we discover this: the more we give of self, the richer we become in soul; the more we go beyond ourselves in love, the more we become our true selves and our spiritual beauty is more fully revealed."

Chartres, it will be remembered, enraged the large homophobic lobby in the Anglican Communion by inviting the openly gay bishop of New Hampshire, Gene Robinson, to preach at St. Paul's Cathedral.

At 9:41 AM, Blogger Ingimar said...

I prefer Jerusalem as performed by The Fall.

At 12:32 PM, Anonymous Jim Gorman said...

Brilliant, Andy. Thanks for these insights. And your faithful servanthood for your cat!

At 1:37 PM, Blogger Andy Lang said...

I'm going to take back my kind words for Bishop Chartres: his position on same-sex relationships has been ambiguous, and he angrily disciplined a priest in his diocese for presiding over a same-sex marriage. "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" seems to be the policy in his diocese.

Fence-sitter, in other words.

At 1:45 PM, Anonymous Ralpe (Ralf Peter Reimann) said...

Hello Andy,
enjoyed reading your blogpost - and telling us what the TV commentators missed.
If you want to practice your German: - and don't miss the irony.
Greetings Peter


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